“home is wherever i’m with you.”
this verse really fits my life so much right now. I really don’t have a place that i can call home and i really hate it but whenever i’m with you it really doesn’t matter. nothing does other than the fact that i’m there and happy again. I really don’t know why but coming back from Lawrence today was unusually harder than what it usually is. I mean it’s usually pretty hard but for some reason just stepping out of the car i felt a lump in my throat. I know i’m sounding needy when i end up missing her the exact moment i leave her but i seriously can’t help it. i really appreciate what my friends do for me and let me sleep in their houses and eat their food but i still always feel like i either don’t belong or some sort or emptiness knowing I’m not in my home. Sometimes i fear that i will ever feel the sense of what having a home really is like. Maybe i never have felt it since most of the time i was an outsider inside my own place. when I’m with her i don’t have to worry about where i am and what I’m going to do. all i know is that its the only place that i haven’t felt alone in a very very long time. I really do need her so much. i know i am so hard to put up with and have a lot of baggage that i bring to the table. i don’t want pity i don’t want sympathy i don’t want you to stay because you feel bad. i want you to stay because you want me, you need me, you cant go a day without thinking of me or wondering what im doing. so here i am back in Wichita. back to sleeping on couches and this feeling again. i hope it gets better. i already miss her
